it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
