Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
