Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
