Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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