i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
