Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
