Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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