how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
i believe in u and ur pee
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
