There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
