I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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