and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
someone owes me an orgasm
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
