what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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