he puts the penis in happiness.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
