I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
