Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
