Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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