accomplished twins. life is a go
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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