He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
