my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
