Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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