There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
