Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
