you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
