i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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