Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
