Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
