I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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