He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
