that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
