so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
