Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
