I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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