I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
