I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
