He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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