I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
North Korea, Best Korea!
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
