I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
