my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Randomize
