hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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