My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Randomize
