haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
