Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
