Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
