____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
