Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
