I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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