The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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