Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
