Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
