I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Someone came in the potted fern
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
