I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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