Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
