Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
