how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
