I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
