It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
