btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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