dude i'm inner monologue high
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
