Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
