we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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